A Transgender Daughter’s Letter to Her Mother
Happy Mother’s Day! I wish I could be there to celebrate you. Words can not possibly describe how deep my love and appreciation is for you, but I’m going to attempt in this post devoted to you.
Today, most people will write blurbs on their Instagram claiming their moms are “the best mom ever,” but how could that be possible when there’s you? Their bias is understandable, but if only every person in the world knew your story, our story, they would see how you truly are the best.
You could have easily not given me Barbies or allowed me to play dress up. You could have not accepted me when I told you I wanted to be a girl; you could have kicked me out and made me do everything on my own. Instead, you chose to love and support your laborious child unconditionally. You chose to stand up for me in a town where parents judged you for “allowing” me to be myself, transgender. You took more criticism for raising a transgender child than I did for actually being transgender, and I appreciate that you were dedicated to my happiness and wellbeing from the beginning of this journey.
You have given up everything to be the best possible mother anyone could imagine. There is a mourning period that happens for those who are close to a transgender person. It’s almost a natural instinct for a mother to go through this process when their child “comes out." My mom was no different. It wasn’t until my appearance and pronouns changed that my mom felt like she was losing out on the vision she had had for her child. I wasn’t going to be a gay guy, and I definitely wasn’t going to have an easy life. One of the toughest things for my mom was putting away all the pictures of me as a boy, per my request. The cover photo for this post is one of my mom’s favorite pictures of our family, and it’s one of few that I’ve allowed to stay visible in the house. This is just a small example that showcases how you’ve sacrificed your own happiness for me.
I don’t know anyone who could handle and accomplish what you have with such kindness and grace. Your beauty radiates from within. It takes an exceptionally strong person to raise a transgender child and you have done everything to ensure I was properly taken care of. You found me the best professional resources for my transition, drove me to every appointment, helped me find my own personal style as a woman, held my hand throughout my entire transition and surgery, and even held my dilator in me after surgery ;).
Our family is not normal, and that’s not just because I transitioned from male to female in a time when we had to figure things out as we went. The three of us have survived more than most people could imagine. You never got the perfect suburban life that you always dreamt of as a kid. What you received, instead, was a bond so tight with your children that we’ve become unbreakable; and that is irreplaceable. You always say that Matthew and I are your life, that we’re the only things you’ve ever done right, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Everything you have done, every decision you have ever made, has led us through the lessons that we needed in order to thrive. What I appreciate most is that you have taught me that doing the right thing is always most important.
I dream of a world where every mother is as loving, supportive, strong, kind, selfless, and generous as you. Whether their child is transgender or not, YOU are the prime example of what it is to be a loving mother. Everyone gives me credit for putting my life out there and being an advocate for the transgender community, but I owe it all to you. I would be nowhere without you and I can only hope that I will be as great of a mother to my children as you are to us. You deserve nothing but peace, happiness, and love in your life and I know everything will work out for our family. You are the best possible mother I could have asked for. Although we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, I am humbled by the amount my love for you deepens each day. I am so proud to be your daughter. You are my best friend, biggest fan, inspiration, soulmate, and above all my creator.
I love you always,
Written by Corey Rae --- Edited by Emily Turner